The Perks

So remember that one time when I was like "hey, I'm going to blog every day for 100 days straight!"? Remember how I only made it to day three? (Yes, I know. I even skipped day two.) Well, I've decided that I should try to redeem myself. However, I'm not going to set a goal for this project cause I know I won't follow through, I'm just going to try to ramble as frequently as I possibly can. What is on my mind today? Today what is on my mind is what an idiot I've been for the past few years. Explanation is as follows.
You see, the day I turned that magical age of 16, I assumed my entire life would change. I thought that with the beep of my alarm clock all of my wildest dreams would come true. Being the naive high school sophomore I was, I thought that when I drove myself to school and walked through hell's gate on that truly magical day I would be noticed. Surprise Russel: Nothing changed. Despite all of the effort I had put in, despite all of the makeup I put on and all of the hours of outfit selection I had gone through, I was still just me. You see, I had always admired the girls who could throw on something pink, bleach their hair blond and throw a rat's nest in it. This may seem like an odd statement (especially for those of you who know me) but it's true. You know why? Because those girls didn't have to do anything. All they had to do was flash those freshly bleached teeth and the world fell at their feet. teachers would excuse them from assignments that were manditory for the rest of us. Class mates worshiped them at the chance to be one of them. And what I thought was most important at the time: Boys would smother them with attention. They just had to sit there! Those girls had a date with a new boy every single weekend. Those girls got asked to every single dance. And those girls had every single person in that prison wrapped around their little fingers.
I guess I always had this stupid little fantasy in my head that when I turned 16 and could "legally" date that I would become one of those girls. I quickly discovered that I was wrong. I got nothing. I did my hair, I wore the cute close (that look WAY better in a size two, might I add) and I flashed my flashiest smile. I didn't get off the hook for any assignments. No one went out of their way to be my friend. And most importantly, I didn't get asked on any dates.
At this point you might be wondering what kind of an idiot would post something like this. Answer: the kind of idiot who actually learned something from her own idiot mistakes. My problem: I've been sitting here on my fat lazy butt just hoping someone would stumble across me. I always thought that I just had nothing to offer; that I was just somewhat useless. But you know what? I have no one to blame but myself. It's not that I don't have anything to offer, it's that I never show what I have to offer. Well, I guess you can't change the past, all you can do is change things for the future. So that is exactly what I've been doing. This year a small miracle has occurred. I actually talk... yes, I know that this will come as a shock to many (as if many actually read this) but I have gotten out there, broken out of my shell, and actually tried to get to know people for once in my life. By doing this I have learned just a few life lessons.
First and foremost, remember the girls I mentioned at the beginning of this story? There is no way in this world I would ever want to be one of those girls. I've realized that they really are trying. Too hard, in fact. I guess if I want the kind of guy who is going to "hit it and quit it" then maybe I should act like them. But let's face it, that's not me.
Second: Life is all about taking risks. You can sit around and wait your whole life for something spectacular to happen, but in the end all you'll do is just that-sit around and wait for something spectacular to happen. Grab the bull by the horns. Break a leg. Get out there and take a risk. Get shot down. It's all part of life. It's better to put it all on the line and be rejected than to sit around and wonder what could have happened.
Third: do the things that make you happy. I know this doesn't exactly have anything to do with the rest of this post, but in a way it does. In getting out there and trying new things I've realized that I actually like/am good at some things that AREN'T school. This year I've taken some time away from solely studying to join clubs and get involved. Heck I even went against everything I believe in and auditioned for a choir. Remember that try/rejection thing I mentioned? This audition could have been one of those experiences. Luckily that's only a could have, not a was. They actually liked me. I had talent, they recognized that, and they gave me a spot. Had I never took the chance no one ( including myself) would have known that I actually have skills!
Finally and possibly most importantly: I actually have a lot to offer. I may not be a size two, I may not be ridiculously smart, I may not have the prettiest face, nose, toes or anything else, but I do have some redeeming qualities.
I care about people. I see how people hurt and I feel their pain as if it were my own. I'll drop anything if it means I get to help a friend.
I know how to laugh and I also know how to make other people laugh.
I'm smart, dedicated, and driven. Success is the only option.
I have eyes the color of the sky after a rainstorm.
I have hair that "looks like freshly pulled honey taffy" and "feels like bunny fur". (Quotes courtesy of my Grandma and the random girl at EFY who stroked my head...)
I'm good at giving people advice and I love giving it.
I have a huge heart with enough room for everyone I meet.
So there you have it, boys and girls. This is me. I may not be what you want me to be, or even what I want myself to be. But at the end of the day this is who I am and that's all I can ever be. And if you give me a chance, you'll realize that's all you'd ever want me to be.